Relationship Discord
Couples Communication to Resolve Marital Discord
Dr. David Burns’s theory of relationship discord: We provoke and maintain the relationship problems we complain about. We act as if we are the victims of the other person’s behaviour. We get some rewards by being the victim. For example, being angry, upset etc. with our partners give us some power and control over them. We find it painful, shocking, and embarrassing to look at our own behaviour. However, if we don’t look at our behaviour we will continue to endlessly engage in this cycle of provoking and maintaining our marital problems.
Beliefs that Erode Relationships
Submissiveness/Dependency | Demandingness/Detachment |
|
|
Couples Therapy Treatment Plan:
Find the beliefs that are eroding the relationship. Consider the benefits and drawbacks of maintaining these beliefs. Dispute these beliefs and replace with healthy ones that maintain a healthy relationship. Learn healthy communication so both partners communicate their needs.
Healthy Communication: Use the EAR
Empathy: Show you are listening by stating the other person’s thoughts and feelings and asking if that is what s/he meant.
Assertiveness: Convey your thoughts and feelings respectfully: I feel….. when we…… or when this happens…….Could we brainstorm and find something that works for us? Can we problem solve together? Disarming technique: find truth in the criticism rather than defending yourself (which leads to more conflict).
Getting to know each other better exercises
Instructions for time out and problem solving
Respect: You mention and think about the positive things and strengths of your partner and admire and respect the person.